Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
