Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
time to smoke my breakfast
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize