Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
