how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
