Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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