Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize