I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
