JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
