I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
