I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
