please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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