She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
