he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You're a waste of cheezeits
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
