I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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