It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
