This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
