im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
