did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
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