You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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