call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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