I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize