the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
love makes seman taste better
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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