and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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