I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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