remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Ketchup is God's man juice
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
