Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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