Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
