I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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