I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
