Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
