so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
