if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
