I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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