Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
