Your face is a jimmy john
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize