She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just invented taco cereal.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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