well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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