just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
