he thought i was a dude.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
