Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
