I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
