I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize