I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
