if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
We left the knife in your bed.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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