i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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