By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just want nice things and good sex
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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