It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
