i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
