I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
