im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
