just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
