I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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