Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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