Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Four minutes until I can fart!
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize