Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
