I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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