Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
