I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
