It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We have started to decorate penises.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
