god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize