3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
