I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
