filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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