I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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