You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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