bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
