Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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