Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
