I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
