Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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