well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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