I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
