I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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