Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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