you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
