After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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