We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
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