I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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