I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
