note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
