I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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