I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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