If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Randomize
