I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
