a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
