Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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