dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
