she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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