i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
