just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
